User:GojoJ/Lifestyle disease/Ms0615 Peer Review

Peer review

Complete your peer review exercise below, providing as much constructive criticism as possible. The more detailed suggestions you provide, the more useful it will be to your classmate. Make sure you consider each of the following aspects:

Lead

Guiding questions:

Has the Lead been updated to reflect the new content added by your peer?
Does the Lead include an introductory sentence that concisely and clearly describes the article's topic?
Does the Lead include a brief description of the article's major sections?
Does the Lead include information that is not present in the article?
Is the Lead concise or is it overly detailed?

Content

Guiding questions:

Is the content added relevant to the topic?
Is the content added up-to-date?
Is there content that is missing or content that does not belong?
Does the article deal with one of Wikipedia's equity gaps? Does it address topics related to historically underrepresented populations or topics?

Tone and Balance

Guiding questions:

Is the content added neutral?
Are there any claims that appear heavily biased toward a particular position?
Are there viewpoints that are overrepresented, or underrepresented?
Does the content added attempt to persuade the reader in favor of one position or away from another?

Sources and References

Guiding questions:

Is all new content backed up by a reliable secondary source of information?
Does the content accurately reflect what the cited sources say? (You'll need to refer to the sources to check this.)
Are the sources thorough - i.e. Do they reflect the available literature on the topic?
Are the sources current?
Are the sources written by a diverse spectrum of authors? Do they include historically marginalized individuals where possible?
Are there better sources available, such as peer-reviewed articles in place of news coverage or random websites? (You may need to do some digging to answer this.)
Check a few links. Do they work?

Organization

Guiding questions:

Is the content added well-written - i.e. Is it concise, clear, and easy to read?
Does the content added have any grammatical or spelling errors?
Is the content added well-organized - i.e. broken down into sections that reflect the major points of the topic?

Images and Media

Guiding questions: If your peer added images or media

Does the article include images that enhance understanding of the topic?
Are images well-captioned?
Do all images adhere to Wikipedia's copyright regulations?
Are the images laid out in a visually appealing way?

For New Articles Only

If the draft you're reviewing is for a new article, consider the following in addition to the above.

Does the article meet Wikipedia's Notability requirements - i.e. Is the article supported by 2-3 reliable secondary sources independent of the subject?
How exhaustive is the list of sources? Does it accurately represent all available literature on the subject?
Does the article follow the patterns of other similar articles - i.e. contain any necessary infoboxes, section headings, and any other features contained within similar articles?
Does the article link to other articles so it is more discoverable?

Overall impressions

Guiding questions:

Has the content added improved the overall quality of the article - i.e. Is the article more complete?
What are the strengths of the content added?
How can the content added be improved?

Examples of good feedback

A good article evaluation can take a number of forms. The most essential things are to clearly identify the biggest shortcomings, and provide specific guidance on how the article can be improved.

Peer review of "Homemaking"
Peer review of this article about a famous painting

Additional Resources

Check out the Editing Wikipedia PDF for general editing tips and suggestions.

General info[edit]

Whose work are you reviewing?

GojoJ

Link to draft you're reviewing
User:GojoJ/sandbox
Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
Lifestyle disease

For your draft, you should include "Causes of the disease" (in a Heading format) above your edit so that it is more clear where it will be incorporated into the original article.

Like so:

Causes of the disease[edit]

"Diet and lifestyle are major factors that are thought to influence susceptibility to many diseases. Drug abuse, tobacco smoking, and alcohol drinking, as well as a lack of or too much exercise may also increase the risk of..."

More comments/suggestions:[edit]

The change you made to the second sentence might not be necessary. The original sentence stated: "Substance use disorders, such as tobacco smoking, and excessive consumption of alcohol..." and you changed it to "Drug abuse, tobacco smoking, and alcohol drinking..."

Given that tobacco and alcohol are considered drugs, they would be included in "drug abuse" rather than being treated as separate things. The original version of this sentence is a bit more inclusive because it says substance use disorders SUCH AS...

I think the change you made to the last sentence by taking away "behavioral factors" and adding "a person's lifestyle" was appropriate. My only suggestion though is to rearrange the order so that it is a bit more fluid. If I personally rewrote it, I would say something along the lines of, "A person's lifestyle changes such as unemployment, unsafe life, poor social environment, working conditions, stress and home life can increase their risk of developing one of the many non-communicable diseases.

The article could benefit from having more information in the "Death Statistics in the United States" section because the sections on India and Australia contain tables with statistics whereas the US does not have one.