Talk:Susie Diamond/GA1

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The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

GA Review[edit]

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Reviewer: Aoba47 (talk · contribs) 16:11, 24 August 2017 (UTC)[reply]

  • Grabbing this for a review. Aoba47 (talk) 16:11, 24 August 2017 (UTC)[reply]
Infobox and lead
  • Please include ALT text for the infobox image.
  • If you are going to link "escort" in the lead, then I would recommend linking "lounger singer" as well (which is a redirect to "lounge music").
  • The second sentence in the lead's second paragraph is rather long. It may be beneficial to cut the sentence into smaller parts for flow purposes.
  • I think the problem was the hyphenated background information about Foster and Madonna; removed hyphens and added "Actress Jodie Foster and singer Madonna were also considered for the role, among other candidates." to the very end of the sentence instead, creating two sentences.--Changedforbetter (talk) 01:00, 25 August 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • For the lead, I would specify what film that Jessica Tandy won the Academy Award for.
  • I originally figured that mentioning the film didn't really benefit the lead much, which is really supposed to be about Susie and Pfeiffer, and left it for the reception section instead where the loss is discussed in more detail, but it's not a big deal; added "Tandy's performance in Driving Miss Daisy".--Changedforbetter (talk) 01:00, 25 August 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • Makes sense to me, thank you for addressing this. Aoba47 (talk) 02:32, 25 August 2017 (UTC)[reply]
Storyline
  • Please link the film during its first mention.
  • For the sentence about Susie's audition, the reference placement is a little odd to me. I would move reference 4 back to after "arrives" and group it with reference 5 as the staggering of the references cuts off the sentence in a rather awkward way.
Development and casting
  • Is the image of Pfeiffer really necessary as you can see the actress clearly in the infobox image? If you would like to include an image in this section, I would recommend something different. Remember to include ALT text for the image.
  • I originally thought it was a lot of text to read without an image, but you're right. Removed. Perhaps I'll replace it with one of the jazz singers Pfeiffer based her performance on instead (Ella, maybe), but we'll see. Removed for now.--Changedforbetter (talk) 01:00, 25 August 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • I think that an image of one of the jazz singers would be appropriate or of one of the other actors considered for the role (such as Madonna). Aoba47 (talk) 02:32, 25 August 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • Please revise the following sentence (Having already known her personally, Pfeiffer was the first actor Kloves expressed interest in casting in The Fabulous Baker Boys) as the dependent clause (i.e. Having already known her personally) is currently attached to the wrong subject (i.e. Pfeiffer). I hope that she already knows herself personally lol. Please move Kloves to the subject position and revise the sentence accordingly.
Done, I think I got what you're saying.--Changedforbetter (talk) 01:00, 25 August 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • I am a little confused by this sentence (During this time, actress Debra Winger and singer Madonna were both considered for the role, the latter of whom turned it down because she felt the script was "too mushy".) Which one of the two found the script to be too "mushy"? Was it Winger or Madonna?
  • There's nothing wrong with the sentence; "the latter of whom" is used to refer Madonna without mentioning her name again. Pretty much it's Wikipedia talk for "the second of the two aforementioned individuals..." lol. Madonna is the one who found the script mushy.--Changedforbetter (talk) 01:00, 25 August 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • Makes sense to me; I just read over the "latter of whom" part completely so I apologize for that. Aoba47 (talk) 02:32, 25 August 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • I would link "Rizzo" and use the full character name for Sandy and Rizzo.
  • In this sentence (Pfeiffer famously provides all of her character's vocals for both the film and its soundtrack.), I am not sure what is meant by "famously".
  • Me neither actually lol, but it was mentioned in the source. I'm guessing they mean there was a lot of buzz around it at the time. Removed "famously."--Changedforbetter (talk) 01:00, 25 August 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • Link Orlando Sentinel in this section as this is the first time you mention it, and unlink it later in the article.
Done.--Changedforbetter (talk) 01:00, 25 August 2017 (UTC)[reply]
Characterization and themes
  • Unlink The Dissolve in this section as it has already been linked in this article.
  • The "A" in "Mike D'angelo" should be capitalized.
Reception
  • Unlink Rita Hayworth as she has already been linked in this article.
  • The link "Makin' Whoopee" should moved to the song's first mention in the article. Unlink other instances after the first mention.
  • Would it be possible to use an image of Jessica Tandy from around the time period of the movie, as using a picture from a completely different time period can be a little confusing?
  • I agree! I actually originally had an image of Tandy during her later years, but someone swapped it out for some strange reason. Resolved.--Changedforbetter (talk) 01:00, 25 August 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • Please add ALT text to the image.
Done.--Changedforbetter (talk) 01:00, 25 August 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • You have The Independent linked a few times in the article.
  • For this sentence (Pfeiffer won the Golden Globe Award for Best Actress in a Motion Picture – Drama, her first win and second nomination after having been nominated the previous year), I would recommend specifying what role she was previously nominated for.
  • Sure, added Married to the Mob (which is already in the source, thank God lol).--Changedforbetter (talk) 01:00, 25 August 2017 (UTC)[reply]
Impact and legacy
  • Please unlink Dangerous Liaisons here.
  • Italicize Movieline
References
  • There are 8 references marked as dead so please check those.
  • Weird, the links aren't dead. They link directly to an aggregator of official news and magazine articles devoted about Pfeiffer that are no longer available on the web in their original format (hence via Gorgeous Pfeiffer). Must have been an error; removed.--Changedforbetter (talk) 01:00, 25 August 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • Avoid putting titles in all caps (i.e. Reference 5)
Final comment
  • Wonderful work with this. Once my comments are addressed, I will pass this. Aoba47 (talk) 17:01, 24 August 2017 (UTTC)
  • Thank you for addressing all of my comments. You have done excellent work here. I actually have never heard of this film or character so it was a very interesting read. I will ✓ Pass this. Aoba47 (talk) 02:32, 25 August 2017 (UTC)[reply]
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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